MR. MYSTIC Merchandise VIII

PEST PUNISHER KITS

These kits make no endorsement of a candidate, rather the kits celebrate the election and campaigns themselves. Here’s to democracy. The kits contain: Roach motel, scare spider, politician-get-away-from-me sticker, sticky pest strip, special eye viewer that lets you see what the candidate sees, siren whistle, politician bait (wad of cash or oil stock certificates), manual on ridding your life of other infamous politicians, cockroaches, yellowjackets, mosquitos, bedbugs, loud neighbors, and many more! This kit was originally created for the television show GPTV but has been made available for this once-in-a-lifetime historic USA election.

CLONING KIT
Clone yourself or MR. MYSTIC
(DNA included)

LUCKY BUDDHA KIT

UNIVERSITY OF MYSTIC

Growing a Brain

The learner must be led always from the familiar objects to the unfamiliar…guided along, as it were, by the power of the mighty Albatross, a bird, who, when it sees what it wants, dives head first into it…never looking back, and with no regrets upon failure or injury. The University of Mystic with its diverse curriculum and vast portals of knowledge, can lead you into the chain of exploration into the mysteries of your existence and your purpose on this ball called earth. A PARTIAL LIST OF CLASSES OFFERED iPOD Management, Cramming and Cheating 101, Couch Potatology, Kegger Coordination, Voodoo Economics, Lotto Mathematics, Creative Accounting (sorry, class is full), Social Butterfly Pathology, Early American Retirement, Red Eye Travel and Leisure, Subliminal Text Messaging, Mechanical Bull and PBR: A Comparative Analysis, Conspiracy Theory and Practice, The Universe of Gym Suffrage: The Untold Story, Acting Sweatshop, Time Capsule Staging, Red Tape Manufacturing, Bottom-Line Poetry, Obnoxious Protesting, Astrophysics of Cheerleading, Fleecing Others Like We Do, REAL ESTATE 2.0: Cardboard & Sleeping bag, and many more!

IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES!

The University of Mystic is not affiliated with the University of Phoenix. People who show MR. MYSTIC or any custodians chancellors, or janitors of University of Mystic any proof that they have attended the University of Phoenix will receive a discount on enrollment, a lunch pail and no charge to attend a course designed for you and others like you called Reality Check. This course does not allow Home Study and class attendance is held during Happy Hour.

ZEN KIT

HYPHY KIT

KABBALISTIC KIT
MR. MYSTIC GOES KABBALISTIC!

BAR-E-BONDS BAR

It doesn’t matter whether Barry Bonds did or did not take steroids to enhance his playing ability and to set records. What does matter is that everyone from doctors to fans are now in agreement that steroids are not good for your health at any age as they breakdown body tissue and organs and cause permanent and irreversible damage to your body. Winning is extremely important but jeopardizing your health for the sake of a team isn’t as important to winning the love of your family and friends who you will be surrounded by well past the time you spend on the field. Think before you play! A portion of the proceeds of this energy bar (when available) support programs that encourage a drug free environment on and off the field.

EXIT STRATEGY KIT

SARAH PALIN FAN KIT
Contents include: Lucky Rabbit’s Foot, Prayers, Hangover Help, Guide to Losing Friends and Dealing with The Silent Treatment, Gossip Spin Control, Family Values Coupon, Get Out of Trooper Trouble Card, Reality Mojo, Voodoo, and Witchcraft, Pit Bull Key Chain, Moose Hunter Tidbits, and The Palin Puck.

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